Last year, San Diego State University Students for Life walked with a student mom as she chose life after two prior abortions, and the baby, Ollie, was born on September 23rd, 2020. Sarah, Ollie’s mom, recently decided to share her and Ollie’s story in the hopes that it can inspire other young parents who find themselves in the same situation she did. Read to the bottom for photos!
Sarah’s Testimony, In Her Own Words
I’m not here to tell you what to do if you are in a situation trying to decide whether or not to keep your baby. Nor am I here to tell you that you will go to hell for having an abortion. I’m here to provide you with perspective. I wasn’t born into money and I wasn’t raised to think that one day I’d be a single mother. When I was 22, I fell in love. I fell in love with a person that didn’t know how to love. Long story short, we had two pregnancies. One at 22, and one at 23. You can go ahead and judge now. Why did she do that? Doesn’t she know what birth control is?
And I’ll just tell you right back that I was emotionally and verbally abused into both of those abortions. I know I would’ve kept my first if I had my partner’s support. I was too scared to do it alone. I was too scared to tell my family. I wasn’t even done at community college. And I felt I was just “too young” to be a mom. A year later when it happened again, I had the same feelings, and same abuse. I felt I couldn’t do it without my partner. But this time all I wanted was to keep my baby. This time I was miserable about the decision I was making, and I cried in the car before getting out to go to the abortion clinic hoping someone would save me.
When it was over, I felt like a character in a sci fi movie after I woke up to a nurse and cramps. And let me tell you, I had never felt so empty in my life. I immediately regretted it and I had to live with that regret. I broke up with that partner shortly after. About a year later, I finally made it to San Diego State. I felt so empowered and so independent to be on my own, partying, meeting new people, and taking care of my business. But honestly, I felt out of place being 24 and everyone around me was barely turning 21. I knew that life wasn’t for me.
I was at the point where I was done with the party life and I really wanted to find love and settle down. A few months into my new life, he came around again. He was so good at what he did, and how he would make me fall back in love every time. I took him back. We spent the holidays together and I felt like he was everything I was missing.
I got pregnant a day after Christmas 2019. I knew he wouldn’t be happy, and I knew he would want me to have a third abortion. But I knew, there was no way in the WORLD I can let that happen. So now, I had to own up to EVERY fear I had, I had to take the emotional abuse to get my son here. I remember I was laying down crying on my restroom floor in my apartment and away from family. Crying and crying because his only solution was to emotionally abuse me to try and get me to think that I needed him more than this new life.
The things he said were brutal and I wish that upon no other female, ever. They cannot be talked about here but just know I was alone until my second semester. I got to meet Nicole and Kiarra, and they introduced me to Students for Life. I knew if I had no support from the world, I had support from them. Kiarra would take me to eat, call me on the phone, send me resources. Nicole had invited me to go with her to a catholic retreat (I’m not catholic) but I went for the support and it was amazing. Then Covid hit, and every one of my roommates went home.
So now I was pregnant and alone in San Diego and I had lost my job. I had no IDEA what the future would hold and honestly pregnancy was NOT easy. Physically, it kinda was. But emotionally, nope. On top of that, Labor was intense, and I ended up having a C-section, but I got him here. And as soon as I heard his cry, I couldn’t BELIEVE that my body brought a real living human being into this dimension. I was in awe.
Shortly after labor I got an infection inside the wound tissue. It was literally death. But it only made me realize how grateful I am just to be alive and how amazing it is to have the opportunity to have a human life/ experience. I’ve suffered postpartum depression and even now I’m still healing. I’ve suffered relationship abuse, and now I am still healing. But I can’t even believe how far I’ve gotten and how strong I’ve built myself up to be for my little guy. Without my family’s support, I truly don’t know where I’d be.
My mother has been my right hand in all of this. Now I know what It means to be a mother and that’s to never give up on your children and to be there when life gets rough. She’s definitely been my rock. Starting at the moment of conception, it is our job to protect our children. Raising a newborn is hard. It’s a sacrifice and it does take a village. BUT, it’s probably one of the greatest achievements any woman can ever endure. The baby’s father is around and loves his son. We still have issues that we are working through slowly and I’m not going to sit here and say he’s been my number one supporter, because he hasn’t. Not all stories have the happy ending you hope for.
On top of that, of course, I had my doubts about not getting my career started right away or not being able to finish school, but in reality, those are just negative thoughts, and they don’t exist. What you put into this world and what you allow to consume your life is what exists. And for me, that was my son. My son is so damn beautiful, and I cannot think otherwise that he wasn’t sent to me for a reason. I regretted my second abortion so much that it consumed me and made me so depressed.
Spiritually speaking, I know an angel, spirit guide, or even God knew that I needed my son. He was the chance that I had lost. I cannot stress enough that it is true that everything happens for a reason. No matter what step you take or what decision you make, that needed to happen to get you to where you need to be. Now when I wake up next to my son, and he stares at my face; smiles, and touches my chin, it’s a feeling that rushes your heart, and it is unexplainable. Everyone and everything that made me question his life no longer is part of my life. And everyone that was in support and truly loves and cares for me, is still around. It’s very easy to understand. And I thank my son’s existence for being able to allow me to realize this sooner than later.
Being a new mom is incredibly difficult! It is so worth it though. There is nothing like knowing that you created life! My son has a job to do here on earth which is why he was born. He doesn’t know what it is yet, but I know. He is here to spread love and kindness because our society is in dire need of it. I am about to receive my Bachelor’s degree in June and I cannot wait to be on campus taking photos with my son on my hip! I have a 3.9 GPA at SDSU and got straight A’s throughout my pregnancy.
Currently, we are in LA now living with my parents, but my goal is to go back to SD and apply for my career out there and create a life for him and me to live in peace and harmony. If I was talking to 24-year-old me, alone and scared in San Diego… I would tell her not to be afraid. I would tell her to not worry. I would tell her to release her anxiety and enjoy every second of her pregnancy. I would tell her to embrace the journey of creating life. I would tell her that she is woman, and she can do anything. And to be honest, now I just want to make more babies!! But that will wait… lol
Ollie has such a personality. He loves bananas and sweet potatoes. He loves to kick his legs until he literally cant anymore. He loves his mommy and daddy but loves his grandma and grandpa more..lol. He laughs hysterically at the phrase “bam bam bam.” He LOVES watching Elmo’s World in Espanol and he loves when someone reads him a book! Nature calms him and He says “MUM” but I don’t know if he just likes the way the word sounds or if he is truly referring to me. (haha) He grows more and more everyday and it continues to amaze me. I’m loving him more than words can explain and I live to get to know him more and more each day.
Thank you Students for Life, for being there, and for being positive every step of the way.